-journal entries from the past few incredible days, they will be the most real and accurate articulations of the things i have seen, done, and thought about.
28 May
I need to get these girls to tell a story of their own words and opinions to the village. They NEED a point, and angle. I think my own point is maybe selfishly what I need to own and accept, not the girls. (in terms of my mission of cultural competency and understanding for the whole Other Side project.) We started to get somewhere with "she is dirty" and "I have no family" (this was an excercise where they added lines to a frozen picture) But what's the message? What's the point? What's the otherness that needs competency? And how can I get the girls to find that on their own without me just telling them?
Is it gender relationships? That has always been a passion of mine and something that I am thinking about a lot here. Or is it the clothes? Or maybe that the girls have been taught not to think for themselves or have their own opinions, or creative ideas. I can tie it all into my "other, different, bla bla bla.." But how and how can the girls get there? (if it is to fit into my own mission, and also be something I can understand, and something they feel strongly about?)
My head is muddled. I suddenly feel how important this is. DON'T MESS UP as Bethany (amazing Theatre Ed guru who continues to be my idol from Emerson) once drilled into our brains.. This is my chance to MAKE A DIFFERENCE with theatre just as I have always dreamt. And Aparajita's father gave me this dense but great book about the history of political street theatre in India. Using theatre as a tool for change is a common idea in India. But maybe not with my process-oriented teaching styles...
"Give kids a voice in their community when they otherwise dont have one." That was my life mission I wrote at some point my senior year. I can't be scared, All the teachers here want me to, I have to share in the village. What is it that the GIRLS want to tell their community? They've already done plays on the unfairness of the caste system and dowries and early marriage. This is more than "Peace on Earth" this is Justice. These girls are doing amazing things their village might not understand.
Who is the Other? Who needs understanding?
What is your dream? (a teacher and a student asked me that in a getting to know you session) I should ask them.
maybe this village needs to know their dreams. But maybe they already know.
Ok I will keep this in focus tomorrow and refine the Play on sunday.
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So now I've had that epiphany and read some of Dorian Gray until my eyes got tired, took a shower in the dark, and now I'm chillin in the common room while Marie-Louise (the English teacher volunteer- the only other white person for miles) zones out and the the two helper boys, Jamal and Shiva, watch cricket. I quite like this life, and I think it will be perfect for 3 weeks, no more. I don't know how Marie-Louise can do it for a year.
SO I am battling several things right now.
1. The challange of living in rural India combined with and directly influencing my longing and desire to get to Europe already.
2. Making the most of my time here, really putting my drama ed skills to good use, using this unique opportunity to fulfill my life mission (as mentioned above) which I of course feel the pressure I am putting on myself.
3. General halfway through homesickness and travel emotions.
THe answer to all these #s is to stay in the moment.
29 May
Sitting in my room in rural India listening to Hair, a musical with a flow of messages and philosophies and harmonies that make up the core of my being, and yet if an Indian man or woman in this village were to understand the lyrics, they would be completely horrified and scandalized.
So Hang Up The Moon is clearly my own manifestation of Hair, not with the same revoluntionary style or message or impact, but with as much of my sould and Hair's soul and inspiration.
But what of the girls? Week one is almost over and what have I accomplished? (although maybe I shouldn't look at it that way.)
i have the younger girls playing and having fun, they have learned a song and a dance, they are starting to allow themselves to be creative and alag alag (different) from each other. They are allowed to laugh. They are already less inhibited, and here they are allowed to be so.
In the older group we have explored different ways of moving about space, how to make relationships (rishta) with each other based on movement, allowing to be creative individually based on speed, levels, and rhythm (percussive vs. fluid) (La ban stuff) We have the beginnings of a story from one tableaux. The very beginning.
I think this is a good place to be at the end of week one.
two nights ago I took a boat ride on the Ganges. Tonight I am atttending a wedding. I am eating Indian food every day. I am blessed to be able to spend 2 hours every day in Marie's English classes chatting with Indian teachers my age. i would say life at Pardada-Pardadi and in Anupshahr is pretty idillic.
Be-in Love Om
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Yes. I had an excellent class. They finally got creative! They used theur brains. They worked in groups. They came up with stories based on Other. THEY DID IT. All it took was for me to let Hair fill me up and remind me what my purpose was in life, and I can get kids to work it out.
I have the workings of a thoughtful, comprehensive piece that are the girls own stories. I feel very happy, proud, and satisfied.
30 May
Marie-Louise is leaving today and I wont see her again for 2 weeks. Now I am the only American in Anupshahr. The only white person for miles. I feel more comfortable and settled in, able to speak to people and call certain ones friends.
I want to write about this wedding last night. Oh my God. So intense. So real. Out of a movie.It was like going back in time.
So Marie-Louise anf I arrive by motorbike. Our "ride" to the wedding was on the back, straddling, a highly scandalous position for women, with a male Indian teacher driving. He felt like the coolest guy in Anupshahr, riding through town at night with 2 American girls straddling his motorbike. It felt so inappropraiate for rural India, but of course it would be fine in the states, or so many places. We only sat that way because we both felt that side saddle was unsafe and unbalanced.
Then we roll into this party, mostly women and children at this point. Instead of everyone watching the bride as they should, and she was so beautiful decked out with jewels and make up and a decadent red sari, all attention was on the two awkward American girls with no hope of blending in. All the kids are standing around us, staring, amazed at the technology of our digital cameras.
More teachers came- Soni, Preeti, and Sanjeev, and all the male teachers seemed to arrive at once- Anil, Angkor, KK, a few new ones from the Bichola campus whose names I dont remember. one is tall and one is short, and they come into the story later.
So the theme of gender roles in rural India, which ia always apparent, becomes even more apparant at weddings. It becomes an excuse to act silly, take advantage of drunkeness and the crowd, and flirt. Oh- did I mention that only applies to Men? Women dont dance around. They stand around and watch the men in their drunken revelry. In fact, they have to get out of the way, hide in the safe distance on rooftops, because the men get "so crazy" they might be tempted to grab at you. How unfair is that?
Indian men can do and dress however they want. Are they looked upon as sleezy or low? No, they are gods. So if they do something inappropriate, say at a crazy wedding, its not their fault, its her fault for tempting him with her clothes or her behavior.
Ok< I'll get on with events of the night and then get back to my gender/culture rant.
So we watch the men dance like idiots from the rooftop. I cant help but think of the few times I've attended Jewish events with Chabad or Lubavitch where the men and women are not only seperate, but it's the same idea of men participating in the celebration and womean just watching.
Soni- a revolutionary village girl- the only one at the party wearing jeans. While the men danced below in the alley, she started to dance on the rooftop. I joined in, naturally, and for a moment we were seperate, but equal. But if anyone saw us, what would they think?
Then she lead us down to the main...home/chamber/area of dirt with walls around it that belonged to Hamlata's(the bride) family. There is no rooftop in this house, no electricity- just a dirt ground with walls around it, and a few cots for sleeping and sitting.
Then followed a sweet 45 minutes or so when I chatted to some lovely women including the bride, who was just wating for the husband to come dancing down the street with the men. Then dinner.
Dinner was the only part of the evening when men and women were mixed up a bit more. Food was being grabbed, thrown, shoved into mouths. I had roti shoved into my mouth, and I dont even know who shoved it. When they finished with thier plate, they just threw it on the ground. It was all really hilarious. Then it was finally time to go home around 11:30- the safest time for us to leave, although the party was to rave on all through the night. I dont even know when the actual wedding ceremony takes place- we were only there for the several hours of waitng for the men to assert their macho-ness, and then eating.
I must say that although I feel negatively about the unequality of men and women, I had a really lovely time, and something I loved was how the women all hold on to each other, hold hands, link arms, take care of us. It's very warm and comfortable.
I rode on the back of another motorbike with the shorter of the two new guys, and Marie Louise was with the taller one. We rode through 3 other weddings in the street- weddings are almost every day, and always out in the street.
The night ended with Marie-Louise and I hanging out on her terrace while it rained (!) chatted and laughed about the intense night until about 1am.
so, do I think the western style (or just not rural) of dating, flirting, romance, parties- is better? I do, I think it's better for me, I want to have equal opportunity to dance and revel without anyone thinking Im a "bad girl". But that's because I know how fun it is to do all these things. Do these women know? they see men acting like idiots and they dont want to be a part of it. I can understand that point of view. Its what they know. And they know if they do anything, men will be inappropriate to them (although they wouldnt call it inappropriate).
I have read about this kind of life, the gender relationships in rural old fashioned places and cultures- but there is no way to describe the difference between understanding something by reading about it, or to understand something by experiencing it firsthand.
